Last year, I was in my school's library, talking to one of my favorite co-workers, Nicole. Nicole was due to have her baby soon, and we were talking about childcare, and returning back to work after having a baby. I shared with her my experiences of my son's first daycare, and how he was only there for one day.
Here is what happened:
My son was born in August, and my neighbor told me that she would love to watch my son when I went back to teaching after Christmas. I worked part-time that year, so my son was only with my neighbor in the mornings. When my son started to walk, my neighbor confessed that she was nervous to take him back that next Fall, so I spent most of that spring and all of that summer looking for the perfect daycare. I visited this place called, "Kindercare" and I liked it. I observed the facility that summer, and I would drop my son there for "test" little visits. He would be just 13 months old.
My first day of school, I dropped him off for his first day at Kindercare. I was still working part-time, so I would be picking him up at noon. Kindercare had a breakfast program, so I decided my son would eat breakfast there. When I walked into the center, no one was there to greet me. I immediately felt nervous and scared for myself and my son. It just seemed too big. When I walked into the breakfast room, all the babies, toddlers and kids were in this one big room. Someone showed my son where to sit, and I noticed that they gave him a bowl of cereal and a spoon and they put it in front of him. My son was a big baby, and daycare workers assumed he was older than the 13 months he was. He doesn't know how to feed himself. That bowl of cereal is going all over him and the floor in 2 seconds!!!! I sat down next to him, and fed him his breakfast. I left, so upset. Not only did anyone realize that my son was only 13 months old, but no one was there to comfort me, since I was a mess dropping off my baby in a real daycare setting.
I went to school and cried in my staff room. I was having a real hard time leaving my son, when I didn't think he was getting the best care. I will always be grateful to Erika- she was on our school's PTA. She was a mother of 4 sons, and the nicest women you would ever know. She immediately offered to watch my son. I was so grateful for that moment. My son only went to that daycare for that one day, and the next day, I sent him to Erika's. Erika would even bring him to my school when I got out, since she was always volunteering. She was my lifesaver.
But as I sat there with Nicole talking about daycare, I blurted out, "You know, sometimes I wish I were a women in the 1950's- where I could just stay home and that's what would be expected." After I said it, I realized that Nicole could counter with a feminist comment. But, to my amazement, she agreed. "I know!"
I know that I was fortunate to go to college and then have a career in teaching. I know I am VERY lucky to even have a job teaching. In my 18 years of teaching, it has always been a competitive field. This year alone, my district had 4 elementary opening, and there were over 1,400 applicants! It's always been like that. So, I am very honored and lucky that I even have a job in teaching, because I know many people would like to be in my position. And, I do what I love.
But, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be June Cleaver. Be that perfect, well-groomed mom, with the perfect house and the perfect bedside manner with her kids. Back then, it was just fine and dandy to be a stay-at-home mom. If you worked outside of the house, or even went to college, it was probably out of the norm.
I am glad that the feminist movement came, and both women and men are treated as equals in the workforce. But I think when all of this happened, that is when women thought, "I can have it all." And, after doing the Balancing Project for the last month, I can probably honestly say that I don't think there's any such thing as "having it all." And with this shift, women may be expected to work, to parent and do everything they did in the 1950's, on top of working and maintaining a full-time job. This is where it gets tricky. You have to have a husband from the 2000's to say, "I'll help with all the June Cleaver duties, so you can be successful at your career too."
And I thank my lucky stars everyday for my husband. Because he does make life easier for me. Since I started the Balancing Project, I communicated with him my needs that day I cried and was "nesting" before school started. We agreed that he would clean the bathrooms, since he is good at it and I am not. I told him I would do laundry and vacuum, but could you please clean our bathrooms??? I smile when I hear him cleaning our bathrooms, without even me having to remind him. Without the reminders, that is when I know I am lucky.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Live in the Moment
This week, my GYN called me to tell me that my vitamin D was so low, they called in a prescription of Vitamin D for me to take two times a week. Really??? So, there was a legit reason why I was so tired? It wasn't in my head?
It's summer (well start of still), and isn't all this vitamin D supposed to be just going through my pores with sun exposure? And, I always forget my sunscreen, so I should be topped out with Vitamin D. I am so thankful for that blood test, because when your body doesn't have enough Vitamin D, one of the things that happens to your body is that you are easily tired and fatigued. So, I'm thinking getting this extra Vitamin D will help me with my Balancing Project. And thank God I'll be taking this into the Winter when there's NO sun...
Last week, I had my first full week of teaching. It was a LONG week. I am lucky LUCKY LUCKY to have such a great group of kindergarteners, and I have no real major behavior problems like I have had in the past. One little girl likes to challenge me. One little boy needs motivating, and two girls like to chat and seem clueless when I am near to them, making eye contact with my "mean" look- they seem to both look at me, keeping their conversation going, even though I have stopped my teaching to wait for them. So, it was a week of lots of modeling, lots of patience, and lots of TESTING. I am so sick of SLO's, Dibels, I-Ready...I feel like this year is the worst. I mean, come on, my 4 and 5 year olds are taking a bubble test already! It's bad. So work was a little stressful in that I just need to do what I have to do, because this is how teachers are being evaluated, and my students need to take these tests, so it shows that they have grown (these tests are the baseline). I can't wait to start Daily 5 and do centers, and the fun stuff. Right now, it's procedures and tests. I came home on Thursday, exhausted, and went to bed at 8:00. I woke up the next day, refreshed and so happy my sniffles and stuffy nose seemed to have gone away overnight.
Meanwhile, back at the home front, things seemed to go smoothly. My son started soccer last week, so while watching his game, I chatted with an old friend, who I never see anymore. And guess what we talked about??? Balancing motherhood and working! My friend Sue owns her own business, and while she loves her business, she was telling me how she love to make pottery and even has her own studio in her basement. I love that she has this passion, and told her how lucky she was to find something that she loves doing. She is busy with 2 kids too, and when we do see one another, it's like no time has gone by, but we blame our busy lives for the reason we haven't seen one another. While talking to her, she said something so simple, yet true. "You just need to live in the moment." How many times do we actually live in the moment? It seems like I'm always thinking of what I have to do in the future as I am living in the present. Or living in the past. But she is so right. Hearing these words changed my views on how I perceive balance to even be... Balance is living in the moment. When your daughter wants to sit and read a book with you- you do it, and don't worry about folding laundry. When your daughter wants to bake cupcakes- do it, instead of going on-line. Live in the moment. Being balanced, you have to live in the moment. I learned that from my friend Sue this week.
As my family was walking in our village to get lunch, we decided to go antiquing afterwards. We live in such a nice, quaint village, and sometimes I think we take it for granted. It was a nice Fall day, and the kids weren't all that happy to be on this outing. They wanted the lunch, but not the window shopping after. So my son says to us, "When are we going home?" "What are we doing after we go into this shop?" "Now are we going home?" Finally, I said to him, "Live in the moment. Look around you and just enjoy your family and this walk we are going on." I don't know if my son understood what I was saying to him, but as I said this to him, I was starting to understand it all. I think we don't have balance because we are always rushing, rushing rushing. Live in the moment. That's part of the balance too.
It's summer (well start of still), and isn't all this vitamin D supposed to be just going through my pores with sun exposure? And, I always forget my sunscreen, so I should be topped out with Vitamin D. I am so thankful for that blood test, because when your body doesn't have enough Vitamin D, one of the things that happens to your body is that you are easily tired and fatigued. So, I'm thinking getting this extra Vitamin D will help me with my Balancing Project. And thank God I'll be taking this into the Winter when there's NO sun...
Last week, I had my first full week of teaching. It was a LONG week. I am lucky LUCKY LUCKY to have such a great group of kindergarteners, and I have no real major behavior problems like I have had in the past. One little girl likes to challenge me. One little boy needs motivating, and two girls like to chat and seem clueless when I am near to them, making eye contact with my "mean" look- they seem to both look at me, keeping their conversation going, even though I have stopped my teaching to wait for them. So, it was a week of lots of modeling, lots of patience, and lots of TESTING. I am so sick of SLO's, Dibels, I-Ready...I feel like this year is the worst. I mean, come on, my 4 and 5 year olds are taking a bubble test already! It's bad. So work was a little stressful in that I just need to do what I have to do, because this is how teachers are being evaluated, and my students need to take these tests, so it shows that they have grown (these tests are the baseline). I can't wait to start Daily 5 and do centers, and the fun stuff. Right now, it's procedures and tests. I came home on Thursday, exhausted, and went to bed at 8:00. I woke up the next day, refreshed and so happy my sniffles and stuffy nose seemed to have gone away overnight.
Meanwhile, back at the home front, things seemed to go smoothly. My son started soccer last week, so while watching his game, I chatted with an old friend, who I never see anymore. And guess what we talked about??? Balancing motherhood and working! My friend Sue owns her own business, and while she loves her business, she was telling me how she love to make pottery and even has her own studio in her basement. I love that she has this passion, and told her how lucky she was to find something that she loves doing. She is busy with 2 kids too, and when we do see one another, it's like no time has gone by, but we blame our busy lives for the reason we haven't seen one another. While talking to her, she said something so simple, yet true. "You just need to live in the moment." How many times do we actually live in the moment? It seems like I'm always thinking of what I have to do in the future as I am living in the present. Or living in the past. But she is so right. Hearing these words changed my views on how I perceive balance to even be... Balance is living in the moment. When your daughter wants to sit and read a book with you- you do it, and don't worry about folding laundry. When your daughter wants to bake cupcakes- do it, instead of going on-line. Live in the moment. Being balanced, you have to live in the moment. I learned that from my friend Sue this week.
As my family was walking in our village to get lunch, we decided to go antiquing afterwards. We live in such a nice, quaint village, and sometimes I think we take it for granted. It was a nice Fall day, and the kids weren't all that happy to be on this outing. They wanted the lunch, but not the window shopping after. So my son says to us, "When are we going home?" "What are we doing after we go into this shop?" "Now are we going home?" Finally, I said to him, "Live in the moment. Look around you and just enjoy your family and this walk we are going on." I don't know if my son understood what I was saying to him, but as I said this to him, I was starting to understand it all. I think we don't have balance because we are always rushing, rushing rushing. Live in the moment. That's part of the balance too.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
First Week Back at Work
This week was my first week back at work. Here is a review of how things went:
Monday- Labor Day. Had the day off. Made a mad dash to the grocery store, went to "5 And Before" to buy some more things for my classroom, and cleaned up the house. Campfire in our backyard to end our summer, but then a big thunderstorm came and rained on our parade, and our fire went out before I wanted it to.
Tuesday- First official day back to work. In the morning, listened to our superintendent talk about teacher evaluations, common core and district expectations and test scores. In the afternoon, had a staff meeting at my school. Came home exhausted. Had to buy a diet coke with caffeine at work to not fall asleep. Took my son to his middle school orientation. OMG- how will he know where to go, what books to bring to his classes and when to go back to his locker? Will he be able to open his locker? A Day, B Day, C Day, D Day- Really???? How will he keep track- everyday he has a different schedule. Big Breath. He'll be fine, I'm sure. But I'm not.
Wednesday- Kindergarten orientation. Meet my new students, had to give a 30 minute presentation to parents about the kindergarten program (ended up only being 15 minutes, since there was no time left, and I ended up talking too quick and acted like I was on Speed or something), then the afternoon, had a training on our new reading program. Again, had to buy a Diet Coke to keep me awake. Came home exhausted. I write on my facebook page that I need a cleaning service- does anyone know a good and reliable housecleaner? This is huge for me, since I like to be in charge of my housecleaning. But, this is a year of balance, and if I buy myself a little treat, this could be it. I don't get my nails done, don't like coffee, so no coffee habit. The only lavish thing I do for myself is I get my hair cut and colored every 2 or 3 months, and I seem to buy a lot of shoes.
Thursday- No meetings at work, but just time to get our classrooms finished up and planning for the upcoming weeks. Actually left work when I can (at 3:30- I never do, usually it's around 5:30), and I made plans to go to the Maroon 5/Kelly Clarkson concert with some of my best friends, to celebrate the end of summer. This was BIG, since tomorrow was the first day of school for our students in my school district. But, I knew I wouldn't sleep good, because I never do on the eve of the First Day. It was a great night out, something we had planned, so we all went. While at the concert, my son who is entering middle school, kept texting me. "Where is my bus information?" "Where is my map of the middle school?" "Where is all the paperwork from the orientation from this week?" I felt guilty that I was at the concert with friends, when I maybe should be home helping the kids get ready for school the next day. Thinking to myself, why doesn't my husband know where all this is? Confirming the fact that I am the one that is in the know about the kids' activities. I still had fun at the concert, am happy I went, because I actually went to bed peacefully and slept through the night since the concert tired me out.
Friday- First Day of school for everyone! Riley goes on his bus at 6:50. He is so big now, I realize as he gets on the bus and I am so thankful that he waves to me from his bus seat and gives me a little cute smile. He knows that I am worried about him, that I love him, and that if he waves and gives me a smile, it will make me happy. I love this kid so much. My daughter is still sleeping when I come back to the house, and I quickly talk her out of the outfit she laid out (when I was at the Maroon 5 concert), because it's the craziest outfit, and if I'm going to take her picture and put it on Facebook, all my friends will think I'm nuts. I tell her that I get to pick out her clothes on the First Day and on Picture Day, and she is OK with that (Thank God) and she tells me she will wear crazy clothes on Monday, which is fine with me because there won't be any pictures that day!! Since her school is on the same campus as my school (that's a positive for me), she can come to school with me. She helps me in my classroom, as I put finishing touches on things and organize myself. She walks down to her classroom, and I give her a big hug. 5 more minutes, my own students are coming in. I am so thankful that none of my new students are crying---YES!!!! When my new students cry, I want to cry right with them. I am feeling so lucky that I have 18 mature and wonderful students, and I can tell the first 30 minutes with them that I will have a fantastic year- yay- no behavior problems!!!!!!!! I have a great day with my students, Maggie joins me in my classroom afterschool, I have an unexpected meeting at 4:00, stay until 5:00, come home to my son, who has been home since 3:30 (this is new- him home from school without us) and I am delighted that our best friends want to have dinner with us. We eat, laugh and don't leave the restaurant until 10:00. Our kids and their kids totally engaged with each other. Us, laughing and catching up about our week.
Today, Saturday: Just vacuumed, haven't called the cleaning service references on my facebook pages yet (am I putting this off?) , stopped at CVS to get my prescriptions, stopped at Urgent Care to do blood work that my doctor wants. I was suppose to run in a 5K with my husband this morning, but thought my daughter's piano lessons started back up again this week (today), but I guess not, since her teacher never came, and my husband called after the race to tell me that she was running in the race too!! So, I totally messed up that!! GRR. Thought I was balanced this week...
Things that worked for me this week:
Monday- Labor Day. Had the day off. Made a mad dash to the grocery store, went to "5 And Before" to buy some more things for my classroom, and cleaned up the house. Campfire in our backyard to end our summer, but then a big thunderstorm came and rained on our parade, and our fire went out before I wanted it to.
Tuesday- First official day back to work. In the morning, listened to our superintendent talk about teacher evaluations, common core and district expectations and test scores. In the afternoon, had a staff meeting at my school. Came home exhausted. Had to buy a diet coke with caffeine at work to not fall asleep. Took my son to his middle school orientation. OMG- how will he know where to go, what books to bring to his classes and when to go back to his locker? Will he be able to open his locker? A Day, B Day, C Day, D Day- Really???? How will he keep track- everyday he has a different schedule. Big Breath. He'll be fine, I'm sure. But I'm not.
Wednesday- Kindergarten orientation. Meet my new students, had to give a 30 minute presentation to parents about the kindergarten program (ended up only being 15 minutes, since there was no time left, and I ended up talking too quick and acted like I was on Speed or something), then the afternoon, had a training on our new reading program. Again, had to buy a Diet Coke to keep me awake. Came home exhausted. I write on my facebook page that I need a cleaning service- does anyone know a good and reliable housecleaner? This is huge for me, since I like to be in charge of my housecleaning. But, this is a year of balance, and if I buy myself a little treat, this could be it. I don't get my nails done, don't like coffee, so no coffee habit. The only lavish thing I do for myself is I get my hair cut and colored every 2 or 3 months, and I seem to buy a lot of shoes.
Thursday- No meetings at work, but just time to get our classrooms finished up and planning for the upcoming weeks. Actually left work when I can (at 3:30- I never do, usually it's around 5:30), and I made plans to go to the Maroon 5/Kelly Clarkson concert with some of my best friends, to celebrate the end of summer. This was BIG, since tomorrow was the first day of school for our students in my school district. But, I knew I wouldn't sleep good, because I never do on the eve of the First Day. It was a great night out, something we had planned, so we all went. While at the concert, my son who is entering middle school, kept texting me. "Where is my bus information?" "Where is my map of the middle school?" "Where is all the paperwork from the orientation from this week?" I felt guilty that I was at the concert with friends, when I maybe should be home helping the kids get ready for school the next day. Thinking to myself, why doesn't my husband know where all this is? Confirming the fact that I am the one that is in the know about the kids' activities. I still had fun at the concert, am happy I went, because I actually went to bed peacefully and slept through the night since the concert tired me out.
Friday- First Day of school for everyone! Riley goes on his bus at 6:50. He is so big now, I realize as he gets on the bus and I am so thankful that he waves to me from his bus seat and gives me a little cute smile. He knows that I am worried about him, that I love him, and that if he waves and gives me a smile, it will make me happy. I love this kid so much. My daughter is still sleeping when I come back to the house, and I quickly talk her out of the outfit she laid out (when I was at the Maroon 5 concert), because it's the craziest outfit, and if I'm going to take her picture and put it on Facebook, all my friends will think I'm nuts. I tell her that I get to pick out her clothes on the First Day and on Picture Day, and she is OK with that (Thank God) and she tells me she will wear crazy clothes on Monday, which is fine with me because there won't be any pictures that day!! Since her school is on the same campus as my school (that's a positive for me), she can come to school with me. She helps me in my classroom, as I put finishing touches on things and organize myself. She walks down to her classroom, and I give her a big hug. 5 more minutes, my own students are coming in. I am so thankful that none of my new students are crying---YES!!!! When my new students cry, I want to cry right with them. I am feeling so lucky that I have 18 mature and wonderful students, and I can tell the first 30 minutes with them that I will have a fantastic year- yay- no behavior problems!!!!!!!! I have a great day with my students, Maggie joins me in my classroom afterschool, I have an unexpected meeting at 4:00, stay until 5:00, come home to my son, who has been home since 3:30 (this is new- him home from school without us) and I am delighted that our best friends want to have dinner with us. We eat, laugh and don't leave the restaurant until 10:00. Our kids and their kids totally engaged with each other. Us, laughing and catching up about our week.
Today, Saturday: Just vacuumed, haven't called the cleaning service references on my facebook pages yet (am I putting this off?) , stopped at CVS to get my prescriptions, stopped at Urgent Care to do blood work that my doctor wants. I was suppose to run in a 5K with my husband this morning, but thought my daughter's piano lessons started back up again this week (today), but I guess not, since her teacher never came, and my husband called after the race to tell me that she was running in the race too!! So, I totally messed up that!! GRR. Thought I was balanced this week...
Things that worked for me this week:
- My husband was integral this week to my balance. The night I went to the concert, he got lunches all ready, and put the kids to bed at a decent hour. He even made dinner one night for us. And sent me flowers to my school on my first day with my students.
- My night out to Maroon 5- we had it on our calendars, and we all stuck to going, even though 5 of us had to go to work the next day. Schedule free time in advanced, and you will be more likely to do it, and not cancel.
- Being Organized at work- I have spent a lot of time getting organized at school, and that has been so helpful in keeping my stress levels low. Next week, I will need to focus on planning AND organizing, since the first day was just on Friday, and it was a lot of me teaching the kids procedural things.
- Having dinner with friends on Friday night- My friend and I are convinced that if you do something really fun on Friday night, your weekend seems to be longer. So we are talking about doing something every Friday so we have longer weekends. We'll see if we feel like that on Monday morning...
Things that didn't work for me:
- Messing up the 5K this morning. I was supposed to meet some friends and run with my husband, but then realized Thursday night that my daughter had piano and both of us couldn't leave the house, since her teacher comes to our house. But then, I messed it all up. Since her teacher never came, her lessons must start back up again next Saturday. That made me so mad that I messed that up.
This week, I am feeling OK about working and being a mom and wife. It was a short week, with only one day with students. Next week, will be tougher. I can get through it. One day at a time. Remembering Jessica Alba's words, it's all about my attitude. I can do this.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Definition of Balance
First before I start writing today, I just wanted to share this quote I read
Yesterday, I was stressed about going back to work soon, going through this nesting period where my house has to be cleaned before I go back next week, and having all these emotions come out that I need more help from him. Believe me, he's a great man, and I'm lucky to have him as my husband. He does help out a lot. I just think he works so much, and is not home physically to help as much as he would like.
Today, I sit here and reflect on what balancing motherhood means to me. So here's what my definition of being balanced would look like from the moment I woke up, to the moment I go to sleep.
"If you're married, your spouse is likely to be on the receiving end of your fury." Dr. Catherine Chambliss
Yesterday, I was stressed about going back to work soon, going through this nesting period where my house has to be cleaned before I go back next week, and having all these emotions come out that I need more help from him. Believe me, he's a great man, and I'm lucky to have him as my husband. He does help out a lot. I just think he works so much, and is not home physically to help as much as he would like.
Today, I sit here and reflect on what balancing motherhood means to me. So here's what my definition of being balanced would look like from the moment I woke up, to the moment I go to sleep.
- Getting up feeling refreshed
- Great hair day
- Waking up kids, and everyone is getting up on time
- Eating with the kids- husband is long gone to work at this time
- Getting kids off to school, getting to work on time
- Teaching at school, having lots of patience, feeling organized at work, never losing anything, I'm on top of paperwork, emails, and parent phone calls. I find time to collaborate with my peers and have conversations with them.
- I can leave work and leave work at work. I try not to bring home work.
- Being a happy mom and feeling refreshed, I drive my kids to their afterschool activities, make dinner, check over homework, look in kids' folders, read notes from school, conversed with my children about their days, bring them upstairs at bedtime and say goodnight to each of them and talk a little more with them. If there's time, I go running. Sometimes this is right after school, sometimes it's when my husband comes home from work.
- Time to spend with my husband. He comes home very tired, and he often falls asleep on the couch as I am saying good night to the kids, or as I am tidying up or doing laundry.
- Since I am not a big TV watcher, I attack household chores as my kids are sleeping. Laundry, picking up the kitchen from dinner time, putting things away, organizing lunches for the next day.
- Time for sleep. I go to bed feeling relaxed and balanced.
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