Last year, I was in my school's library, talking to one of my favorite co-workers, Nicole. Nicole was due to have her baby soon, and we were talking about childcare, and returning back to work after having a baby. I shared with her my experiences of my son's first daycare, and how he was only there for one day.
Here is what happened:
My son was born in August, and my neighbor told me that she would love to watch my son when I went back to teaching after Christmas. I worked part-time that year, so my son was only with my neighbor in the mornings. When my son started to walk, my neighbor confessed that she was nervous to take him back that next Fall, so I spent most of that spring and all of that summer looking for the perfect daycare. I visited this place called, "Kindercare" and I liked it. I observed the facility that summer, and I would drop my son there for "test" little visits. He would be just 13 months old.
My first day of school, I dropped him off for his first day at Kindercare. I was still working part-time, so I would be picking him up at noon. Kindercare had a breakfast program, so I decided my son would eat breakfast there. When I walked into the center, no one was there to greet me. I immediately felt nervous and scared for myself and my son. It just seemed too big. When I walked into the breakfast room, all the babies, toddlers and kids were in this one big room. Someone showed my son where to sit, and I noticed that they gave him a bowl of cereal and a spoon and they put it in front of him. My son was a big baby, and daycare workers assumed he was older than the 13 months he was. He doesn't know how to feed himself. That bowl of cereal is going all over him and the floor in 2 seconds!!!! I sat down next to him, and fed him his breakfast. I left, so upset. Not only did anyone realize that my son was only 13 months old, but no one was there to comfort me, since I was a mess dropping off my baby in a real daycare setting.
I went to school and cried in my staff room. I was having a real hard time leaving my son, when I didn't think he was getting the best care. I will always be grateful to Erika- she was on our school's PTA. She was a mother of 4 sons, and the nicest women you would ever know. She immediately offered to watch my son. I was so grateful for that moment. My son only went to that daycare for that one day, and the next day, I sent him to Erika's. Erika would even bring him to my school when I got out, since she was always volunteering. She was my lifesaver.
But as I sat there with Nicole talking about daycare, I blurted out, "You know, sometimes I wish I were a women in the 1950's- where I could just stay home and that's what would be expected." After I said it, I realized that Nicole could counter with a feminist comment. But, to my amazement, she agreed. "I know!"
I know that I was fortunate to go to college and then have a career in teaching. I know I am VERY lucky to even have a job teaching. In my 18 years of teaching, it has always been a competitive field. This year alone, my district had 4 elementary opening, and there were over 1,400 applicants! It's always been like that. So, I am very honored and lucky that I even have a job in teaching, because I know many people would like to be in my position. And, I do what I love.
But, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be June Cleaver. Be that perfect, well-groomed mom, with the perfect house and the perfect bedside manner with her kids. Back then, it was just fine and dandy to be a stay-at-home mom. If you worked outside of the house, or even went to college, it was probably out of the norm.
I am glad that the feminist movement came, and both women and men are treated as equals in the workforce. But I think when all of this happened, that is when women thought, "I can have it all." And, after doing the Balancing Project for the last month, I can probably honestly say that I don't think there's any such thing as "having it all." And with this shift, women may be expected to work, to parent and do everything they did in the 1950's, on top of working and maintaining a full-time job. This is where it gets tricky. You have to have a husband from the 2000's to say, "I'll help with all the June Cleaver duties, so you can be successful at your career too."
And I thank my lucky stars everyday for my husband. Because he does make life easier for me. Since I started the Balancing Project, I communicated with him my needs that day I cried and was "nesting" before school started. We agreed that he would clean the bathrooms, since he is good at it and I am not. I told him I would do laundry and vacuum, but could you please clean our bathrooms??? I smile when I hear him cleaning our bathrooms, without even me having to remind him. Without the reminders, that is when I know I am lucky.
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