Definition of Balance

First before I start writing today, I just wanted to share this quote I read

"If you're married, your spouse is likely to be on the receiving end of  your fury."  Dr. Catherine Chambliss

Yesterday, I was stressed about going back to work soon, going through this nesting period where my house has to be cleaned before I go back next week, and having all these emotions come out that I need more help from him.  Believe me, he's a great man, and I'm lucky to have him as my husband.  He does help out a lot.  I just think he works so much, and is not home physically to help as much as he would like.

Today, I sit here and reflect on what balancing motherhood means to me.  So here's what my definition of being balanced would look like from the moment I woke up, to the moment I go to sleep.

1. Getting up feeling refreshed
2. Great hair day
3. Waking up kids, and everyone is getting up on time
4. Eating with the kids- husband is long gone to work at this time
5. Getting kids off to school, getting to work on time
6. Teaching at school, having lots of patience, feeling organized at work, never losing anything, I'm on top of paperwork, emails, and parent phone calls.  I find time to collaborate with my peers and have conversations with them.
7. I can leave work and leave work at work.  I try not to bring home work.
8. Being a happy mom and feeling refreshed, I drive my kids to their afterschool activities, make dinner, check over homework, look in kids' folders, read notes from school, conversed with my children about their days, bring them upstairs at bedtime and say goodnight to each of them and talk a little more with them.  If there's time, I go running.  Sometimes this is right after school, sometimes it's when my husband comes home from work.
9. Time to spend with my husband.  He comes home very tired, and he often falls asleep on the couch as I am saying good night to the kids, or as I am tidying up or doing laundry.
10. Since I am not a big TV watcher, I attack household chores as my kids are sleeping.  Laundry, picking up the kitchen from dinner time,  putting things away, organizing lunches for the next day.
11. Time for sleep.  I go to bed feeling relaxed and balanced.

OK this is how it really goes for me:

1. I get up and want more sleep.  I snooze my alarm 4 times before getting up.
2. No time to do my hair.  I am a wash and comb girl.  I never style my hair.  One of these days, I guess I will care, or have time to do my hair.
3. Nobody is getting up.  I have to tickle Maggie, throw the sheets off of her, and threaten her with our dog's butt in her face, and sometimes  he will fart in her face.  It's not so classy here in the morning, and sometimes I am forced to do things that are awful.
4. I never eat with my kids.  They make their own breakfast, while I get the dog all set with breakfast and his morning poopy walk.
5. I'm never on time to work.  
6. I actually do a good job at work.  I have lots of patience, I feel like I'm a good teacher.  I try to stay organized, but once in awhile will lose things, but  my students always find them.  I find I don't have (or maybe it's allow) time to chat with co-workers at school.  I find that I work through my breaks, so I don't have to bring work home.  I don't like to be negative, so I don't have those conversations at work.  
7. I always bring work home with me from school, as much as I try not to.
8. I bring my kids to their activities, usually late.  I run, run , run.  But I love dropping  them off, seeing friends and socializing with friends at our kids' activities.  This is one way I stay in contact with many of my friends.  I usually cook a lame dinner, but always healthy with veggies and fruits.  I don't always go upstairs with my kids when it's bedtime.  They usually go upstairs by themselves, and I say goodnight to them downstairs.  Only if I am  upstairs doing laundry, do I go in their rooms, and have a bedtime chat with both of them.  I try to run every 2 days, and I find that if I can't during the dinnertime hours, I go at night.
9. Time with my husband is lame too.   Usually I can't sit longer than 5 minutes to talk, and he's out cold.
10. I do chores all night long.  I hate having clutter.  I can only go to bed at night if I have a clean orderly house.  It may be OCD, but it's what I got.
11. I don't feel balanced and relaxed at bedtime.  I worry and make to-do lists in my head.  Often times, I'll get out of bed, because I've forgotten to do something, like email back a parent or take the garbage out or something stupid that could wait for the morning, but for some reason, I can't sleep  unless I do it.

As a working mom, I feel like I give 100% at my work.  I care and nurture these little students of mine, and care for them like I was their own mother.  But when it's time for me to be with my own children, some of the energy has been drained, some of the patience is halfway gone and I always feel guilt.  I wish I had all that energy from school to give to my own children at night.  

So basically what I define as true balance is:  giving 100% to my job, being a great wife to my husband, always being there for my 2 kids, and having a clean house, organized household, and time for a run and a phone call from some friends.  

I don't always get all of it in a day, but I guess  there's only 24 hours in a day, right?

Maybe true balance doesn't exist.

Jessica Alba, the actress and business owner, recently said on balancing motherhood and work, "I just do the best I can.  I think balance just comes with your attitude and trying not to live up to anyone's idea of perfection, of who you should be, and cutting yourself some slack at the end of the day."

I personally don't care what people think of me.  I have a clean house because it drives me crazy if it's messy.  I want to be a good teacher at work because I'm driven to my job.  I want to run because I feel good when I run and sweat.  I don't think, for me, I'm trying to live up to anyone's expectation to be this perfect mom.  I think for me, it's living up to be a perfect mom for myself.  I want to be the best teacher, mother and wife I can be.  But I agree with Jessica, that we need to give ourselves some slack.  And I LOVE how she says attitude has a lot to do with balance.  I think when you have a good attitude, everything just seems easy and smooth.  

So, today I reflect on what is even means to be balanced, and what things I need in my life to make me more balanced.  I like to do well at work and my students mean a lot to me, I want my kids to look back and remember me as a good mom and it's important for me to make good memories for them, my husband is my best friend and I love him so much, and making time for him is important.  I need to be organized and I need to have a clean, non-cluttered  house.  I have awesome friends, and they help me to be more balanced- all of them- with their friendships.  I have great friends, and having them in my life is very important.  Exercising and running has become important to me- it releases a lot of negative energy, since I like to hold things in.  These are all the things that, I feel, if I had everyday in my life, I would be 100% balanced in my life.  So, now that I know what defines my balance, how do I get there?  Can I achieve it all?  Does something have to give?